Thank You for Everything
When I first came across this traditional Japanese Zen story, I was both drawn to it and troubled by it. Its message of gratitude in all circumstances was surely too simplistic and dismissive of pain. But it provoked something in me, I wanted to find my own words and reasoning for it. In telling it to others, I was often surprised by the positive and provocative reception it received. It started some great conversations.
Once there was once a great teacher called Sono. Many people would make pilgrimages to her to seek her advice for their griefs and grievances. When they met her she would listen deeply to their stories but her advice to them then was always the same.
She would say, “Say this out loud to yourself several times a day, ‘Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever. Say it out loud. Proclaim it to your loved ones or your unloved ones, to your ancestors, your God or gods. Shout it to the heavens or to the very earth herself.’ People reacted in different ways to this advice.
Some said, ‘Is that it?’ and went away disappointed. Some were angry, ‘You expect me to be grateful with what I have to put up with? No! Thank you very much!’ But some people did what she said. And some of those found peace and happiness.
One of those became a teacher himself and, in turn, had his own student. And people came to him for help. He, too, would listen deeply, and then offer the same advice, ‘Say this out loud every time you suffer, ‘Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever.’
His student observed the reactions of those that came to the teacher and he was not convinced of the wisdom of the advice. One day, he asked his teacher, ‘Master, people come to you with pain and suffering, yet you always tell them the same thing. Why do you tell them that that?’
The teacher, sensing an opportunity, bade his student sit. He explained, ‘I say thank you without any complaint as I believe I have just one, short and precious life and I never know when I will lose it. And I know that in this life there will be suffering; it may be big, it may be small but it will be there for me as it is for all of us. If I wish for things to be fair, or perfect or even different than they are I will only increase my suffering. I give thanks that I might accept life as it is and myself as I am and hope that I might see, with clarity and compassion, what is the next right thing to do.’
The student was still not convinced and not long later, a catastrophe fell upon the teacher’s village. A great flood washed away lives and homes. The teacher wandered round the village, his student following behind, mumbling under his breath, ‘Oh this is so bad, this is so sad. What good can be found here?’ His student having heard his teacher’s advice a hundred times, pointed out the teacher’s inconsistency.
‘Don’t you always tell others to say, ‘Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever’?’
The teacher looked at his student. A smile crossed his face and he flung his arms out on either side and called out, ‘Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever.’ He then turned to the student and said, ‘And I thank you for reminding me of the highest wisdom that I own.
At that moment both teacher and student became enlightened. The teacher said, ‘Now we must do what needs to be done’ and they started to tend to the living and to bury the dead. The student, in his turn, became a great teacher and you know what it was that he always told people to say.
For me, this is a story about acceptance, of saying ‘yes’ to life as it is. I do not see it as a dismissal of the pain and negative emotions that inevitably arise in our lives. Rather it is a way of finding a perspective that allows us to see both the positives and negatives that always exist in any given moment. A position that can maybe lesson grief or anger from overwhelming us; where we can see more clearly what it is important for us to do.
Gratitude was something that was often preached to me as a child, I ‘should’ be grateful for what I have and I ‘must’ always say thank you. I certainly did not learn about how the emotion of gratitude is a positive feeling that I can draw forth when I need it, especially in times of difficulty. Gratitude is increasingly recognised as a positive mental health intervention. The ‘Gratitude Diary’ and the benefits of looking for positives in the face of difficulties is a key skill in developing resilience. We all face adversity but our thinking, problem-solving mind, essential as it is, can make our life harder by wishing it to be different from the reality that it is. The problem, of course, is that gratitude is often presented as a platitude, as aspect of positive thinking that attempts to deny the negative rather see that they both can, and do, exist together.
I followed the advice of the story and several times a day would say out loud, ‘Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever.’ Doing this, I noticed how my head was often filled with minor grumbles and complaints that removed me from being open and aware of what was unfolding in my life. The phrase gave me a nudge to think again. In habitually bringing gratitude to mind, it has made easier to deal with more challenging difficulties when they arose. This is a story that told at the wrong time could be seen as hurtful and insulting, but when the time is right I think it can help us access the wisdom and healing that gratitude can bring. It brings to mind the words of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, ‘It’s only when we truly understand that we have a limited time on Earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up – that we begin to live each day to the fullest, as it was the only one we had.’
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